


trying again

by polterguy (orphan_account)



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Drug Abuse, Ficlet, Gen, Hurt and comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Suicide Attempt, jared being an asshole but also letting his softer side show, not kleinsen rlly but can be read as
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-19 17:09:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13708920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/polterguy
Summary: It’s the first day back from winter break when Jared gets the news.





	trying again

 

It’s the first day back from winter break when Jared gets the news.

In the middle of first block, he’s called down to the office. (A few kids in the back whisper about how maybe he’s finally been caught for being the one who hacked the school website to redirect to Pornhub last year.) He gets a hall pass from his teacher and swiftly exits the classroom, too relieved about getting to miss a few minutes of AP Art History to worry about what he’s getting called down for.  
He slides through the front office’s door, only to see Ms. Hansen looking back at him from the chair she’s seated in, puffy-eyed. Her mascara is running down her face, smearing as she attempts to wipe at it with a tissue. Jared suddenly feels less relieved.

The room Evan is staying on is on the second-to-last floor. A heart rate monitor is hooked up, along with some other tubes and wires running their way across Evan’s arms. Quietly, Jared makes his way to get a closer look. Evan’s gone completely pale, with deep eye-bags underneath his closed eyes, his breathing shallow. The whole room smells like hand sanitizer and death. He looks like a corpse.

Jared stumbles over to the sink in the room and coughs, bringing up bile. His eyes water and sting. He glances back, and swears he sees Evan shift in his sleep.

He shifts again when Jared coughs.

Jared paces around the small room, illuminated by the brightness seeping in through the window. The LED lighting above them is flickering. He settles for sitting uneasily by Evan’s bedside in an uncomfortable chair for a bit, impatiently jiggling his legs.  
Jared wants nothing more than to get up and leave, to run out of this stupid fucking hospital and sit through AP Art History instead. At least that would be normal. He knows he can’t, though. He sits and stares at a boy that suddenly seems so much smaller than ever before.

He sits for what feels like hours.  
Sits and waits.

Eventually, a soft sound makes itself heard, barely escaping Evan’s lips at all.  
Evan reaches out a hand towards Jared, who takes it.  
“M-mom?”  
Jared laughs, despite everything. “Do I look like your mom, Hansen?”  
Evan quickly pulls his hand away. “Jared!” He sits up, squinting from the light. “What the hell are you doing here?”  
“I could ask you the same thing,” Jared says, the disappointment seeping through his voice.  
Evan immediately slumps back down a bit, sighing.  
A few moments of awkward silence pass.  
“W-well, I asked first,” Evan starts, “so, why are you here?”  
“Because,” Jared replies, “your mom told me you got admitted to a hospital after downing like a billion fucking Xanax.”  
“Why would you care?” Evan asks.  
Jared doesn’t answer that one. Instead, he asks another question.  
“Why the fuck would you do that?”  
Evan pauses.  
“L-listen, Jared. I was just trying to get high or whatever, and I did it wrong, and I guess I overdosed-“  
“You guess?” Jared laughs mirthlessly. “And no, I don’t believe that shit. Try again, and this time, don’t lie to me.”  
“I’m not lying-“  
“Yes, you are. You wanna know how I know you’re lying to me, Evan? They found your note in the pocket of your hoodie when they brought you in.”  
Evan shuts his mouth, opens it for a second, almost saying something, and then shuts it again. Jared stares at him, and Evan nervously averts his eyes.  
“Ijustthoughtnobodywouldnotice,” Evan’s mumbling to himself, his hands shakily pulling at the skin of his arms. “I just. Thought nobody would care. E-especially not you. Not you.”  
Once again, Jared finds it impossible to reply. After a few seconds, Evan is talking again.  
“God, I can’t even do this one fucking thing right. Can’t even fucking-” He’s saying this to himself, but then turns to Jared again. “You know, it was really stupid. It was about to happen, I would’ve... I was gonna die. But I got scared and called 911 at the last minute. It was so stupid.”  
“That’s... That’s not stupid, Evan,” Jared says, already internally cringing at the second of softness he’s showing. “That had to be really scary.”  
“Why are you pretending to care about me?” Evan asks, already going from quiet to an angrier voice. “Why the hell are you actually here, Jared, when I know there’s no way you even give a shit about me? You don’t.”  
“I... I do, Evan. That’s the thing. I’m sorry about the fight.”  
“Why are you sorry? Because I just tried to kill myself? You feel bad because you think you’re the reason why? W-well, news flash, Jared. You’re not. I don’t want to die because of you, or Alana, or anybody else. I want to die because of me. Because I fucked everything up, all by myself. I fuck everything up, Jared. I somehow even failed at suicide.”  
“You know none of that’s your fault, right?” Jared is now obviously shaken, eyes stinging. “You never meant for it all to get so bad. Nobody did. And I, for one, am glad you didn’t die. I’m sure your mom is, too. And Alana, and Zoe, too. Even if- Even if none of us can ever be friends again. Nobody wants you dead, ok? Especially not me. Because, believe it or not, I like you, Acorn. I like you a lot. You were my only real friend.”  
“What about you camp friends?”  
“I lied about them. Guess that makes both of us liars now, huh?” Another laugh lacking joy.  
Evan cracks a smile.  
That smile makes Jared smile, and soon they’re both grinning, teeth showing and all.  
Evan reaches out his hand.  
Jared takes it.  
This time, Evan doesn’t pull away.


End file.
